Saturday, September 18, 2010

Time

You may have noticed, I do not have much time to blog lately.

I really like my new job, I just wish that I had about 6 more hours every day. I keep thinking that things will settle down once we get our boxes unpacked and find homes in our new house for all our things. I fear that the unpacking may never happen though, because every day it's all I can do to come home and cook dinner, take care of the baby, do laundry, clean up the kitchen, pack lunches, and get my sh*t together for the next day. Oh, and also I am training for my 10th marathon (which may end up being a casualty of this war). I apologize to everybody to whom I owe emails or phone calls.

I realized the other day though, that I suddenly view the passage of time differently for the first time, at least, since I started grad school. You know, I'm not stressed out by it. In grad school, the clock was always ticking. Writing grants, doing pilot studies and field research, analyzing data and writing your dissertation. All while having to do some other work on the side, like teaching or undergraduate advising. And you only have so much time to do it (not enough time in fact) before they pull your funding and you need to apply for jobs that will have something like 200 applicants a piece and that will require you to work some 60-70 hours a week for a chance at getting tenure instead of getting fired. The whole thing was kind of depressing.

After I somehow managed to finish my dissertation (while also being a full time mother to The Baby Who Cries More Than Any Other Baby In The History Of The World), I could feel the clock ticking even more. If I didn't manage to get some kind of job soon, I was so afraid that I never would. Who would hire somebody who'd been a stay at home mom for like 5 years, when there would always be an overabundance of fresh PhD's out there? No one, that's who.

So I found this job. It's a jobby job. Not tenure track. I get to do anthropology from 9-5 and then come home and do whatever I want (which, I guess, is cooking, laundry, cleaning, and taking care of the baby). And for the first time in my memory, there is no clock ticking. I'm here. I don't have to worry about getting through grad school so I can get a job so that I can get tenure, so that I can become The Next Big Name in Primatology. I was never going to be the Next Big Name anyway. I don't have to worry about publications or grants, or figuring out how to get permits to do research in some far away country. I've got my jobby job and my boys, and despite all the chaos of our unpacked boxes, I am happier than I have been in a long time.

Thanks for reading.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Congratulations!!! no clock ticking -- it's a wonderful thing!! Keep being happy ... that is the best thing!! love to you all, auntie

Anonymous said...

If you are HAPPY, then I'm delirious with HAPPY.. as all I want is for you to be happy doing whatever you do~~~ so does this mean, I can STOP worrying ???? probably not~~~~ there are always speedbumps as you go thru life, to cause some UNHAPPYS~~~ so for now, try to ENJOY this time of your life~~~~ especially YOUR BOYS~~~ and about the UNPACKED BOXES~~ well, if you're not missing some important object, then maybe you can JUST leave them in the boxes ~~~( for the next move <:) FALL is coming, stop and take in the beauty around you. luv you and hugs to all, mama

Anonymous said...

When mama's happy, everyone is happy! (Including grandparents). Hang on tight, it's a wonderful life.

Grandma Barb

Karen Joy said...

Semi-recently, I got into a discussion with a friend whose husband is a professor on a tenure track. She teaches classes at a community college. She raised the point that, at the CC, there are so many of her co-workers who are eminently qualified, fabulous teachers, but who don't enjoy the rat race of the tenure track and/or need or want the flexibility that being at the CC provides. She herself is the mother of a 1yo.

We had been discussing this as, previously, I had held a rather low view of community colleges, and it's likely that my oldest son, who is currently in 8th grade, will be taking dual-credit courses (high school & college), within the next couple of years, at a CC. I was concerned about the quality of education he'd be receiving...

Anyway.

All that to say, I'm happy for you that you're in a "jobby job" where you can just teach and enjoy the rest of your life, as well, even if it doesn't leave much time for blogging (or marathon training).