First of all, I want to thank everybody who left a kind comment on my previous entry or sent an encouraging email. Seriously, you cannot even begin to know how much that helped. Our families and a few close friends have been instrumental in getting us through this rough patch, but sometimes, a word of encouragement from a complete stranger is what ends up getting me through the day. I can't say enough how thankful I am for each and every person who is helping us survive.
February continues to suck; there are moments when I find myself feeling like I might just make it after all (like, when I have read kind blog comments or emails), and then there are other moments when I come home from work and lay down on the couch in the dark and cry. Those latter types of moments have to be few and well contained, given that I have a small child to look after. But still.
Right after all of this happened and we were faced with the realization that we were going to be sh*t, flat broke, we knew that we were going to have to make some changes in our lives to scrape by. Part of the problem with that is that we were pretty much living at Maximum Frugality before all of this happened. I mean, we much don't buy anything but groceries and basic supplies. We have only 1 car, and we drive it less than 10 miles a week. I don't buy or use wasteful things like paper towels (messes can easily be cleaned up with an old sock that is then thrown in the wash and reused). On the rare occasion that I wrap something up in aluminum foil, I don't throw away the foil when we're done with it; instead I wash it and use it again. In terms of becoming more frugal, it was difficult to figure out how else we were going to cut back.
One thing I thought of was that I would have to stop buying anything organic, and we would just eat arroz y frijoles (rice and beans) for dinner every night. Rice and beans are pretty cheap. A 1-pound package of dried black beans costs $1.67, and even if I spring for the quick cooking brown rice, that is around $2.00 a package (and it lasts for several meals). The way I make rice and beans is loosely based off a recipe called Aztec Black Beans that I got from Fat Free Vegan. Not that rice and beans actually requires a recipe. But when I came across this one, I realized that I could make it in the crock pot and then it would be ready when I got home from work. Excellent. I typically soak and boil a batch or two of beans over the weekend, and sometimes I freeze some if I don't think we will be eating them right away. Then to make my version of the Aztec Black Beans, I put a pound of cooked black beans in the crock pot (I find that cooked beans work better), along with a jar of salsa (Value-Time brand at Schnuck's only costs $1 for a 16 oz jar and it contains no high fructose corn syrup), and I also add some frozen corn to the mix. I give it a good stir, set it to cook for about 7 hours, and it is delicious when I come home from work. Usually I make rice the night before, so it is all ready too. We eat it with tortilla chips, and sometimes Rob puts cheese on his. I figure at most the whole thing costs about $8 or 9 to make, and it lasts 3 of us 2-3 dinners (sometimes Will eats additional leftovers for a few more meals), so that is cheap. Cheapity cheap. And good for you too. And it just happens to be the only thing that Will will eat, so that is a plus too.
Even before The Incident, we ate arroz y frijoles for dinner a lot (usually I'd make it once a week), but afterwards that was all we ate, probably for about 3 weeks straight. It was so easy, and so cheap. I spent vanishingly little at the grocery store and began to feel like I was channeling my inner Ma Ingalls... pioneering through this hardship in the most frugal of fashions. But then at some point, Rob mentioned as kindly as possible something to the effect of, "Could we eat something other than rice and beans?" And I had to come up with something else that would be cheap and healthy and that I could also get on the table while working full time. It has been a struggle. I hadn't expected either of us to get sick of arroz y frijoles. After all, that is what we ate every single night for dinner for an entire year when we lived in Nicaragua. I even trained myself to eat rice and beans after numerous bouts of The Vortex, which had likely been initiated by none other than rice and beans. Nothing like throwing up rice and beans for days on end and then beginning your foray back into the world of solid food with a nice big bowl of rice and beans.
This whole difficulty we've been going through has put a damper on all of our lives, and I really think it has wreaked havoc on every organ system in my body. My running has suffered a lot, which is ironic, because usually running is what lifts my spirits when I'm feeling blue. But this whole thing has made me not even want to run, so you know it is bad. I had originally been planning on running the St. Louis Marathon this April, but that was the first thing to go out the window. The marathon entry fee, not to mention the new running shoes I would need to go with it, were out of the question. I have kept running here and there, but for the first time in about 7 years, with no marathon in sight. The shoes I'm wearing are by now quite ancient... I've fully run and trained for 2 marathons in them, which makes them have about twice the mileage that I can normally get out of a pair of running shoes. It had been so far so good though. I thought maybe I'd become like some of the more hard core runners from our running club back in Urbana. There was one guy who'd been wearing the same pair of shoes (racing flats, no less) for something like 10 years and had run 100's of marathons and ultra marathons in them. Well, maybe that is a bit exaggerated, but still. I had remained confident that my Mizunos would see us through this bad patch. Then, seemingly out of the blue, I started to have the characteristic pain in my medial lower calf which pretty much always indicates that my shoes have reached the end of their use life and I need a fresh pair. Damn. New running shoes are not in the current budget.
Well, I decided that rather than give up running, I'd quit dancing around the issue and become a Barefoot Runner. I am not kidding. Rob has been a convert for some time, though he generally wears Vibrams or some other type of minimalist shoe that doesn't mess with your foot's natural heal strike pattern but that does provide protection from the elements. I have to say, I've been intrigued by this issue for quite a while, and after I read Born To Run (about a year ago), I thought it was something I might actually try out someday. The premise is that barefoot running is supposed to be the best way to run to stay injury free, because modern running shoes alter your gate and heel strike pattern in a way that actually causes you to have injuries. I'm not sure I buy into the argument completely whole heartedly, but given my current situation, it is something I have decided to pursue. So I announced this to Rob and it looked like what he thought was "Oh Lord," but what he said was that I should be sure to ease into it and I should probably start by getting used to barefoot walking before I tried to run.
But I'm Melissa, and I don't think I've ever eased into anything in my entire life. This week, we had unseasonably warm temperatures which finally melted all the snow. I put Will in the jogging stroller and we went and found a really great footpath. I discovered that running barefoot is the funnest thing ever. Seriously, who wouldn't love squishing around in cold, wet, mud? It is a fantastic feeling. The footpath is along a beautiful street, and as all these people drove by in their SUVs on their way to their 4 million dollar mansions, I smiled and waved to them and was like, do you see me?? I am running BAREFOOT. It was pretty awesome. I did notice that my heel strike pattern was completely different than when I am wearing shoes. I was totally landing on the balls of my feet as opposed to the heels. And my lower medial calf pain became unnoticeable. So enthused I was with this barefoot running, that I went out a couple days later (this time Will stayed at home), and ran farther. I think I may have pushed it a little bit too much because now I can barely walk. My calves are ridiculously sore (though completely different than the initial calf issue that had prompted the shoe shedding in the first place), and I realized that that is why Rob had cautioned me to take it easy. Running barefoot completely changes the the way you land on your feet, and it takes your muscles a while to get used to it. Duly noted.
One more thing and then I've got to end this: As for nursing Will, we haven't completely stopped, which is a miracle. When he turned 18 months old, I didn't nurse him for 2 days, but then he got send home from daycare with a fever (most likely because he is teething) and he was just walking around here totally miserable, crying and chewing on his fist. I felt so bad for him that I've let him start nursing again about once a day or so. And the other day in his misery, he actually asked to nurse, which is the first time he's ever done that. I was exhausted (from too much Barefoot Running?) and was laying down on the floor watching him play, when all of a sudden, he came up to me, started tugging on my shirt, and said, "Nay nay?" I couldn't turn him down. And I feel okay with how things are. In some ways, I feel like I might have just needed a break from nursing, and two days of not nursing him was weird but somehow refreshing, and now I will be able to hang in there for a little bit longer.
Oh, and the novel. I've been working on it. We'll see.
Thanks again, everybody.
