Friday, May 2, 2014

April 2014 Mileage: These are not beautiful times

This quote from a writer I follow on Twitter pretty much sums up April.

Complete with two nervous breakdowns, April 2014 might have actually been the worst month of my life.

During the first nervous breakdown, Rob took me to my parents' house, where I mostly lay on the couch feeling the world crumble around me and listening to this song on repeat about a million times. Sometimes I ate strawberries. My mom and dad entertained William. Every once and a while, I got up and attempted to run.

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And so it has come to this.

A lot of that running was on concrete sidewalks in my parents' neighborhood, but I did manage to put in 15 miles on the Rock Island Trail, which is where I started this whole running thing when I was about 14 years old.

My calf hurt, but I was mainly too numb to notice. It didn't seem to get worse whether I ran or not. So I ran.

For a while I thought I might even run the St. Louis Marathon--the one I registered for back in October when I had no idea that my entire life was about to fall apart.

But I didn't. It was too overwhelming to contemplate the crowds and the pavement, much less the 26.2 miles on what was seeming ever more like a stress fracture.

Rob ran the marathon instead, and that was great for him.

Meanwhile, I had to take almost another whole week off because I was in so much pain. And also: The Exaustion.

I eventually came back to St. Louis.

Map of St Louis

(Want to see it larger? Click here. Original image came from:

It was exactly as I remembered.

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 (Which is to say: crumbling).

But Rob was like, just stick with me, and everything's going to be alright.

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"Oh, oh these are beautiful times."

The sun came out and eventually everything got a little bit lighter, even if it didn't get better.

I attempted to recover by drinking green juice from a mason jar.

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I figured out a new way to tape my calf that actually seemed to help more than anything I'd tried before.

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Exaggerated heel strike for photo. And yes, those are Sketchers.

Then the second nervous breakdown hit with a vengeance, and what can you do besides head west.

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I ran at the base of the mountain.

Horsetooth run

My calf didn't hurt, but it didn't exactly not hurt either.

My grand total for the month of April is 82.92 miles, which brings me 339.98 year to date.

April 2014 run log

Shouldn't I be well over 500 miles by this point?

I have no idea what is going to happen in May--whether it will bring more wicked, or whether it will bring unicorns. But fuck it, we're moving to Colorado.

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Thanks for reading.


Unknown said...

Sure hoping the move to Colorado fixes lots of things for you ... as i read this, i remember your visit during one of your 'breakdowns' and you looked so pretty and seemed so good ... you fooled me as to the seriousness of your situation!! I don't know anything about your injury and the healing process so have no advice about running or not running. I know mentally you need to run -- but physically maybe not yet?? I wish i knew the answer, but again,i don't! I do know that Will is absolutely and totally the most charming little boy ever ... i love to listen to him talk -- his vocabulary is wonderful 'even though' sometimes his imagination gets way ahead of auntie's understanding!! :) Let me know if you need help packing up!!! that would be listed as some of my recent experiences!! love and hugs!!

Melissa said...

Thank you, Auntie <3

Tyme said...

Feeling trapped is the worst. Whether it trapped by your body, by your job, by an empty bank account, by your geography. Sometimes even al of the above.

Here's to new beginnings. May your ever experience in the location be met with a tail wind!


Unknown said...

Follow your heart and your dreams !! GO WEST like the pioneers of long ago!!! AND PACK. UP your gloomies in a great big box, and LEAVE it behind in STL!!!! The best is yet to come!!! HONEST !!! Keep your chin up, how would. It look in the papers. RUNNER. Tripped on her chin, ouch,,, I will. Be the wind beneath your wings,! So take flight! Big hugs!! Luv you ,mama