Sunday, February 7, 2010

Not ready

Will is going to be 6 months old on Friday, and I am not ready for it. Partially this is because I am still fat. It seems like everybody and their brother loses their pregnancy weight in 6 weeks, or maybe even as long as 3 months, but I have discovered that losing weight, in the winter, when I can't go running like I used to, and when I am surrounded by delicious food I couldn't eat without vomiting (or at least feeling like it) for 9+ months, is not something I'm good at. My size 2 jeans are gathering dust in my closet. I fear they may eventually make their way to Goodwill, but I'm not giving up on myself quite yet.

I just can't believe Will is going to be 6 months old. Right after he was born, I remember getting together with some of the yoga moms whose babies were 6 months old and thinking, there's no way my baby will ever be that big, but he is! I feel like we are just one step away from him going off to college, marrying some girl I don't like, and then moving across the country where I hardly ever see him again. It is a terrifying thought.

I am also not ready for the "milk only" period to be over, but it seems like 6 months is generally the time that it is recommended to start babies on solid foods. My dissertation focuses on the phases of maternal investment as defined by Langer (2008). In addition to gestation, Langer (2008) divides lactation into two phases: 1) the milk-only phase -and- 2) the mixed-feeding (or weaning) phase. Once the infant takes his/her first bite of solid food, the milk-only phase is over and the weaning process begins. I just don't feel ready for that! For the last 15 months (9 months in utero plus 6 months in the world), I have been Will's sole source of sustenance and nutrition. I've gotten really used to it. I feel like I could keep it up for, oh, several more years. It just freaks me out to think of him getting energy and nutrients from a source that is... not me. I don't know if anyone else has ever felt like that or not. It seems like most of the world is of the let's-give-them-rice-cereal-as-early-as-we-can mind set, but for me, it is the most freaky, cool, amazing thing ever that this kid weighs round about 15 pounds and every single ounce of it he has gained from what I have provided him from my own body. Physically, it is definitely taking its toll on me, but emotionally, I am not ready for that to be over yet.


Langer P. 2008. The phases of maternal investment in eutherian mammals. Zoology 111(2):148-162.

It really is true. They just grow up so quickly.

Big smile


Anonymous said...

Love that picture!

Anonymous said...

WHAT AN ADORABLE BABY<<<<< and his MAMA is pretty durn cute too!!!!!!!!! continue to HANG on to him as long as he lets you........ He is thriving well with you as his ONLY source of NUTRIENTS!!!!!!! Can't wait to hear how the avocados go!!!!!!!!! oh and the next 6 months will go by in a blur also!!!! In fact the first 5 years are pretty much a whirlwind of growth and change!!!!!!!! Hang in there, luv you all, mama

amypfan said...

Adorable picture--looks like Will is telling you that he is ready to grow some teeth of his own (at which point you might be glad to be out of the nursing-only stage). We have a little something to send him for his 6-month celebration, so watch your mailbox for that. And while you may be a little sad to partially wean, let me tell you, there are so many more fun stages ahead!

Okay, and really, size 2 jeans? I don't think my body has seen those since junior high. And if it makes you feel any better (because it certainly makes me feel worse), I never did lose all of the weight from either of my girls (which is why I am now hippo-sized, as I was larger starting this pregnancy). I am DETERMINED to lose it this time, although if you can't do it with all your running and your vegetarian diet, I don't know how my sedentary snacking self is even going to have a chance. :(

Unknown said...

Great picture! The first 6 months of Michael's life is a blur and the 2nd 6 months too. I'm loving the time since he turned one. So many exciting changes :).

I would be happy if my size 10 jeans fit better. I was 5 pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight and then gained 10 pounds as soon as Michael was totally weaned :(. I was in much better shape when I was in Paris and walked so much. I still hope to start doing my Pilates DVDs again soon!